Overcoming Fear: A Songwriter’s Journey to Finding Her Voice

 
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By Jana Ann Neo, 2019 Songwriting Student

If you asked me a year ago if I wrote my own songs or thought of myself as a songwriter, the answer would have been a solid “NOPE”. 

For as long as I can remember, songwriting has always seemed strangely intimidating, like a really complicated jigsaw puzzle. Meanwhile, as a singer, I had become so comfortable doing covers, slipping into the complacency of re-singing, re-performing, and re-telling other people’s song stories. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that singing covers is bad, but I think something becomes unlocked when we develop our own individual songwriting voice. 

 

Before joining Awaken Generation’s songwriting stream, one thing I struggled with was trying to find my own sound, whatever that was. I felt the pressure to be ‘unique’ and ‘fresh’. But the wonderful news is this: we don’t even have to strive for this! Psalms 139 describes in great detail the intricacies of our design from the moment God knitted us together in our mothers’ wombs - we are fearfully and wonderfully made. There is nobody out there like us! In the context of songwriting, God doesn’t hold us to some unattainable expectation. He only asks that we tend to our own gardens, to work towards being the best version of ourselves through stewarding what He has given us.

 

Even our life stories are unique, and I believe that we each have a testimony to share that is irreplicable. This, coupled with the melodies and lyrics that God has specially instilled in the tapestry of our hearts, has power to speak life into our own lives, and even to reach others in need of encouragement. A new fragrance arises.

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Another thing I have learnt (and am still learning day by day!) is that God does not expect perfectionism, but He asks for our excellence. Excellence empowers, and perfection suppresses. This one took a while to sink in from the head to the heart. I recall being so gripped by fear when I had to write my (first ever) original song to audition for AG that I sat at the piano crying to a blank page for half an hour. I realised I had been holding myself to some standard of music perfectionism that I expected of myself; thought others expected of me. 

 

Here lies the revelation - that when we find our worth in Jesus, we do not live by the standards of the world. In His kingdom, it’s not about performance quality, musical expertise, or even your level of talent. At the end of the day, all God cares about is the “yes” in your heart. The point is not to write the most engaging or widely-appreciated song, but to write with a heart of excellence that is okay with being vulnerable in the season that one is in, that celebrates the journey first before the destination, all while giving the glory back to God. In everything, let us focus on an audience of One: Jesus. He is pleased by our worship and delights in us.

 

I believe great revelations for songwriting ideas are birthed from moments in the secret place, when it’s just us and God. As we take time to reset our minds and priorities during this period of staying-at-home, I can’t think of a better time to pick up that pen and paper and get to writing! Let His Spirit flow, and you’ll be amazed to see what He can do through you!

Love,

Jana

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